things to do with food

1. Buy your vegetables at the supermarket, special offer. Fuck the local farmers, fuck the food miles. Walk.

2. Stash it away in the fridge and forget about it.

3. Finally, remember it. Carry it over to your room, keep it near your bed until it goes off, keep it some more. Ignore the smell.

4. Offer some to your friends, preferably if it has lots of calories, preferably if they’re on a diet, smile.

5. Take your time to cook until you’ve none left to eat. Leave everything to rot on the stove.

6. Throw it at road signs and see if it sticks.

7. Give it away to poor-looking people on the bus.

8. Build little men out of matches and vegetables and decorate your neighbour's garden. Find out if he’s going to sue you.

9. Cut a hole in a pumpkin, then use it with your body parts.

10. Try the other way round with a cucumber.

11. Don't eat it.