aim higher, think bigger 1

strange elatedness got hold of me the resolve to dare what i never thought could work i feel like kicking something sit down and write this application be successful outdo them all whatever they thought i'll show them they were wrong not meant to study too lazy no stamina well fuck yous me in the embassy british council management would that work ever ever ever work could i do that could i aim higher think bigger than the rest is ambition driving me towards a goal or is it simply eating me up shut up they cannot hurt me can they will they will rejection hurt and is it worth not trying will anything hurt more than this year has it worn me out or made me stronger the knowledge that i'm the one to hurt myself the most is it enough to face the world complicated big tempting elating overflowing with things i'd never thought i'd know will it work will i work is fear an excuse for not trying won't i have to try some day anyway and why not now i will aim higher think bigger if i have my brother's consent or not am i too set on the idea of a career am i too set in my own ways my state of mind to change shouldn't this be the time for a little optimism isn't it time for a little optimism shut the fuck up i feel driven towards what i do not know something i have to get somewhere once i get there it'll all amount to nothing i know but just shut up i feel driven it'll drive me insane