the voter, n. (sing.): narrow-minded, malevolent, ignorant creature wilfully putting at risk the well-being of his master and servant, the politician

Cold it is outside, already. The sun is setting behind the old, neglected villas. The leaves show first traces of red and yellow. Autumn is stealing in. Goldfrapp is playing in the background. I am sitting in front of the screen and blow my nose every other minute. I have a bad cold. As I might have mentioned already, autumn is stealing in. Slowly, but steadily. I know, because I have a cold. I always do when it turns autumn. There's little sprinkles on the screen. Sorry, forgot to cover my mouth; I know it’s a bit revolting. Anyway, it's warm inside, the heating's on and I have a cup of that nice Roiboos brew that's always referred to as tea. Strictly speaking, it is not, but what the hell...

Sunday was Election Day. I didn't vote. Yet. Half of Dresden goes to the ballot-box on October 2^nd because the candidate of the right-wing party died. Not that many people cared. The rest of Germany, however, had their say. And what they said was... well, schizophrenic, probably.

Let's start with the basics. We were governed by a coalition of the Social Democrats (SPD) and the Greens. They have been trying meekly to implement reforms that were desperately needed. They fared badly in the polls over the last few months, but re-gained popularity as the election campaign advanced. More often than not, their line of politics has been boycotted by the opposition, namely the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and the Liberal Democrats (FDP). Nothing spectacular, so far. The opposition did quite well in opinion polls, the majority of people would have voted for them had the elections been held in spring. They promised tough reforms and their head candidate, Angela Merkel, had already been awarded the title of ‘Germany's Iron Lady’. Shortly before the campaigning, a fourth party formed; a fusion of the eastern Socialists and a new western equivalent. Let us call them The Left. Well, you probably know all that stuff already. If not, read the Times or something.

Okay, the elections. Some 77% of the population went to the ballot-box, and what was the result? Everybody won the elections! This is clearly the best result we've ever had. The CDU won, because the coalition of SPD/Greens has not been re-elected. The FDP won, because they were the only party who gained votes in comparison to the elections in 2002. The SPD won, because they fared better than the previous opinion polls had predicted. The Greens? They won because they got more votes then they thought they would. The Left won, because they didn't exist before (Let us ignore the fact that one part of The Left actually did), so of course they had gained votes. SPD/Greens won, because CDU/FDP does not have a clear majority. CDU/FDP won, because SPD/Greens do not have a clear majority anymore. No one has a majority. None of the coalitions anticipated does actually work out.

Thus we learn: To win elections in Germany, it is not necessary to achieve a good result. It is not even necessary to have any chance to partake in the future government. You can actually lose votes, and yet win the election. Also, it is possible to deduce a victory from unofficial surveys conducted half a year before the elections. Splitting hairs over the fact that one party is not one party but in fact two is allowed, too. It is also okay to just stubbornly cling to power until everybody accepts that you do have a (god-given?) right to indeed be where you are. All you need is a certain brazenness and arrogance, but you will surely have acquired that on your way up the ladder, won't you?

Any solutions? Any new coalitions? Well, not exactly. CDU/SPD could form what is called a Grand Coalition. However, it is an unwritten law that the stronger party's head candidate will be elected chancellor. This, however, happens to be not the SPD, but the CDU. They have 0,9% more votes than the SPD. Schroeder (SPD), however, doesn't care much for that. He insists that he be chancellor, come what may. This, the CDU will not accept. Obviously, they will want Merkel to be the new chancellor. Any other coalition is practically made impossible by the fact that the FDP refuses to participate in any government with either the SPD or the Greens onboard. They promised beforehand they would.not.do.that.come.what.may and are now afraid they might never get rid of their opportunistic image if they changed their mind. The Left... well, they are being ignored by all parties. Why? Because. No obvious solution to the voter-induced dilemma is in sight.

The result: is obvious. Anyone with half an eye in his head can see that... The voter failed. He wronged the politicians. He is a malicious creature. What did he intend by deciding the way he did? What did he think? Did he think? The voter. Yes. Once it comes to elections, the people suddenly unite. They become an entity, a collective. Like the Borgs. And then they vote. With all their force. In their destructive, callous, thoughtless manifestation of The Will of the People, they knowingly accept the total confusion and utter helplessness of their politicians - poor, solitary creatures who have left the safe haven of 'the people' to work hard for the best of the collective. Instead of supporting these politicians, the voter wilfully risks their well-being. He even puts a spoke in their wheels, ignoring that the cart is only going full speed in the wrong direction for the voters own good. The voter is an unthankful creature. But, he is sovereign of the state and thus has to be obeyed. Even though he is a bad sovereign. Actually, he should be overthrown. And beheaded. And then a new sovereign should be elected. I suggest Schroeder. Though, they might have slightly more trouble getting rid of him. But at least he’d be out of the way.